Looking Forward.

Eilat (Israel), 1997

A week ago I lost my job. A great and understanding employer, who gave me plenty of opportunities, close the sea in more than one way, and challenging projects. I understand the reaction of my employer; the last 16 months I have been more absent than present, and when I was present it was for only 2 half days a week. Damn ME/CFS, it took me 3 years of graded exercise therapy (GET) before I was capable of going back to work, only to relapse a year and half later of reasons not even job related. Six years of sacrificing social life, friends, going out and enduring the pain of GET and I am back at square one. That’s not completely true of course; I have learned that GET can work under certain controlled circumstances. I have earned money of which a certain amount is still in my savings account, paid taxes, and put some money in my pension fund. I learned some new skills and worked on a Mac for the first time, and now own a MacBook. And I am still in better physical shape then six years ago, even after close to a year and a half of struggling and making only little progress with GET.

As a chapter of my life is now closed, it is important to look forward again. If I were to sum up all the things I have lost since 2001, it would be a long list and it’s not healthy to dwell on that. So I need some short-term goals. I don’t dare to commit myself to any long-term goals just yet. Dreams and hopes yes, goals no.

Cardiovascular Training

I have made only a little progress during the past year, but even a little progress is still progress. The winter is not the ideal time of year for making progress with outdoor cycling, but if the weather permits I should be able to hold on and maybe even slightly improve what I am currently capable off.

Gym – Weightlifting

My gym membership didn’t pay off this year, as I was unable to go most of the time. The last two times I tried, in July and in September, I payed dearly for it afterwards. I have been training at home with dumbbells and hand grips since then, and intend on giving it another try in December. The gym usually offers a discount at the end of the year, which makes it more affordable. I try to look on it as an investment.

Writing

Twice I was severely brain-fogged since 2008. I remember as good as nothing from the period May – mid October 2008 and only a little from the period mid August – mid October 2009. Currently I am capable of concentrating between 2 and 3 hours throughout the day. Programming, which was my job, is outside my reach for the moment, but writing apparently isn’t. Well, I will let you be the judge of that.
With some discipline, pacing, planning, and a bit of luck I might be able to write up to 3 hours a day. I have now this blog on ME/CFS, I intend to revitalize my tryout blog blog and maybe start a blog on either blogging or linux. I will focus on the first two for the remainder of 2009. The other two will depend on how much of my cognitive abilities I will regain, or is it reclaim, during the following months. I will need a little bit more to be able to write on blogging and the technical aspect of it, somewhat more to write on linux, and a whole lot more before I will be capable to write on programming, let alone to code. I already have some half finished articles on blogging, but it is just outside my reach most of the time to finish the technical part of the articles.

Mindfulness

I have made a halfhearted attempt at DIY mindfulness during the past 2 weeks, but I commit myself to make it a part of my daily life for the next 8 weeks.

Medical

I have ordered two more supplements that I can try out this year, so I will just have to wait and see if they have any effect.
And I have an appointment with Prof. Dr. De Meirleir in February 2010, so again wait and see.

I will not make any other plans for 2010 just yet, as there are too many if’s. Going back to the gym before the end of the year is a realistic goal and so is spending 3 hours at writing or related activities each day. If weather permits, 2-3 calm and dry days a week, I will be able to keep on cycling. My cycling gear is good enough as long as temperatures remain above freezing.

I always try to kill two birds (or more) with one stone. Having only a limited amount of energy at your disposal each day, will do that to a person, and it has become a way of life. This is also the case for blogging. I want to write, I want to interact with other people, I want to improve my English writing skills, I need an intellectual challenge, I need something to occupy my mind, and I want something to put on my resume. One day I will have to go looking for a job again, whether it is half-time, part-time or full-time and whether I, or a medical advisor, thinks I am ready for it . I only have to improve by 20% to be able to work half-time and by 30% to work 4/5.
As employers don’t like periods of inactivity in resumes, maybe blogging will count for something.

Tagged as: GET, mindfulness