My Goals For 2010

I usually set goals for the new year. I am fully aware that setting goals or resolutions can be tricky when you have a debilitating disease like ME/CFS. I didn’t achieve most of my goals for 2008 and 2009. But what is life without hope and some challenges? And isn’t life by definition uncertain? This is the first time that I make them public.
For doing so I was inspired by the following blog-posts:

• Objectives for 2010 by Mike CJ
• New book deal, end of 2009 by Maija Haavisto
• Goals 2010: What Will You Be Working On? by Josh Hanagarne
• New Year’s Resolutions With Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome by Adrienne Dellwo

Results for 2009

I didn’t achieve most of my goals for 2009 because of ME/CFS: I didn’t have a holiday abroad (I didn’t have a holiday period and sick-leave doesn’t count), I couldn’t hold on to my job, I don’t have my own virtual private server, I didn’t lose weight, I didn’t do any half-a-day trips, … I had hoped I would have been able to pull out of the relapse which hit me in 2008, but I didn’t.

I did achieve the following goals:

• made progress cycling (+5 km)
• set up 2 blogs
• did some volunteer work
• earned 1 certificate
• enjoyed the summer
• never gave up

Enjoy the summer might sound like a strange goal, but to me a Summer without swimming in the sea is no real Summer. I live on the coast and love to swim in the sea. In 2007 I was unable to do this because of a shoulder injury and in the summer of 2008 I relapsed, more like I completely crashed, because of ME/CFS. The time that I didn’t spend trying to get back to work, was spend in bed. Enjoying the summer of 2009 was pretty high on my list of goals. It was a very good summer and when the weather was fine, I went to the beach to have a swim or just float in the sea. When I was tired, instead of lying in bed, I sunbathed in the garden. Easy peasy.
The volunteer work that I did and still do is counting all the waterfowl in the largest park of Ostend at a set date once a month in the period October-March. Counting waterfowl is done throughout Europe and it takes me only 45 minutes to do my part, including the trip to and fro the park. I regularly go birdwatching, mostly in the immediate neighborhood, and I add all my sightings to an online database so that it is available for Natuurpunt (Flanders largest nature organization) and the Flemish Research Institute for Nature and Forest.
The certificate that I earned in 2009 was Professional Technical Writing issued by the Ohio University via Online-Learning.com

Goals for 2010

My goals for 2010 in random order:

• enjoy the summer
• set up a third blog or website
• write 1 article per week
• practice yoga and meditation daily
• spent a one week holiday abroad
• become a better blogger and writer
• keep up the volunteer work
• earn a certificate
• lose 8 kg
• restyle my blogs
• seek professional help from doctors specialized in ME/CFS
• cycle 25 km
• write at least 2 guest posts for someone else’s blog
• invite at least 2 other bloggers to write a guest post for my blog
• improve my English
• find a balance between weight lifting and cardiovascular exercise
• do half-a-day trips
• do something crazy with sports
• be nice to myself
• never give up

The seek professional help goal is already set in motion; I have an appointment with prof. De Meirleir in February.
Cycle 25 km can be easy, challenging, or impossible. After my relapse in the summer of 2008 I hadn’t lost everything that I had gained since 2004, so I could start again with 12 km. It took me a year to increase this to 18 km, which takes me an hour to do. 2009 was a yo-yo year; on sick-leave, got a little better, had to go back to work, got worse, back on sick-leave, got a little better, had to go back to work, got worse … Now, that I don’t have a job anymore and can do everything at my own pace, it should be possible to increase my cycling to 25 km. If my condition improves just a little and the weather is nice during Spring, I might achieve this before Summer. If the weather is bad, or when I have a lot of recurring infections (cold, throat, …) it might be difficult to achieve this goal. If my condition worsens, if I respond badly to treatments, or if I am forced to go back to work I will count my blessings just to hold on to the 18 km. Notice that I haven’t set any goals for the average and maximum heart rate, just the distance. Besides, I really could do with a change of scenery; at this moment I am practically city-bound. I could of course ask someone to take me somewhere, but I want to do it myself.
The ambitious goal of a holiday abroad, is to get on a plane in my hometown and fly to Spain (Costa Brava, Tenerife, Mallorca, …) for a beach holiday with a lot of books. The only backpacking I can hope for in the near future is on a trip down memory lane.
What I have in mind as a half-a-day trip is, for example, leave after breakfast, take public transport to Lombardsijde (Middelkerke, a nearby town), visit the nature reserve IJzermonding, walk around, do some birdwatching and return home for lunch. Again I could ask someone to take me there, but I want to be able to do it myself.
I am on disability, with benefits; I have no job, no responsibilities and no obligations. Whether that will remain like this depends on the medical adviser. At the moment I don’t have to force or overdo myself, so I intend not to. Managing a status quo is my primary goal, progress with baby-steps the secondary. My decision to seek professional, specialized help means that I will probably have to spend a lot of money on tests and treatments in 2010. I have set up a budget for everyday expenses, but I don’t want to deny myself the occasional luxury (DVDs, books, a holiday abroad). That is what I meant by be nice to myself. I don’t feel the need to reward myself for achieving any of the goals, because achieving them will be the biggest reward.

Bonuses for 2010

• manage my own virtual private server online
• go back to work, even if it’s just part-time, halftime or less
• make a second trip abroad
• start swimming again
• start Nordic walking again
• freshen up my French or learn another language
• earn a second certificate
• earn a third certificate
• walk 12 km
• contribute to an open source project

The start swimming again might need some explaining. For a ME/CFS patient exercising can be dangerous. There is a thin line between a good exercise and overdoing it, triggering post-exertional malaise and collapse. A good exercise is a personal thing taking into account your limitations; it can be a one hour bike ride, a half an hour walk or a 15 minute yoga session. I have learned to ignore other people when exercising. When an obese grandpa overtakes me whilst cycling, maybe even at twice my speed, I can accept that. When a senior citizen lifts twice as much as me in the gym, I can live with that. When some elderly joggers overtake me whilst I am Nordic walking, I am cool with that. No problems, except when it comes to swimming. In my teens my favorite sport was swimming and in my late teens and early tweens I worked as lifeguard on the beach during the Summer holidays. When swimming in a pool I want to reach the opposite side as fast as possible and when someone overtakes me, I go for the chase. The way to avoid this is to use a heart rate monitor, which is a must-have for all cardiovascular exercises. It has been at least 2 years since I last went swimming (as cardiovascular exercise), so it is too dangerous for me right now. For the time being I will stick to walking and cycling as cardiovascular exercises.

Conclusion

For most of the goals I don’t have to get better, although it would help. I have gotten a bit worse since November, but I assume it is just a temporary setback called Winter.
To improve my English, all I have to do is just keep on reading English books and magazines, write more and (voice) chat some more.
I have the energy and inspiration to write one article per week, it only requires a shift in focus. Basically it comes down to choosing where to spend my spoonies (energy) on. Will I spend them on (online) gaming or on tweaking my websites. Will I spend the 3 good hours I have each day (concentration, cognitive abilities) on Twitter, reading other people’s blogs, forums, … or on writing for my own blog? Do I choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food in my mouth or doing research for my next article.

What about you? Do you set goals? Did you achieve at least some of your goals for 2009?

Resources

Image: luigi diamanti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Flora Whittemore

Tagged as: Awareness, goals